A big hat tip to our regular poster Hutch, who sent us a link to this very funny interview conducted by the "Department of GDP" as reported on the Easy Opinion blog:

You can spend, or the government will do it for you.


 (Setting: a large waiting room in a giant federal building)

Desk Clerk: Ticket 363. Is ticket 363 here?

Joe: I have number 363.

Desk Clerk: (without looking up) Go to cubical 26, through the gate, turn right, left down the corridor, on the right.

(Joe finds his way. The water fountain doesn’t work.)

Official: (behind desk, seated, remains seated) Please close the door and have a seat.

Joe: (sits down)

Official: Do you know why you are here?

Joe: Something about GDP?

Official: As you can see from the sign on my desk, I am a case officer for the new Department of GDP Oversight and Improvement. The government, your government, measures it’s success through GDP. Higher GDP is better. We want to talk to you about how you can do your part to increase GDP. Your government is absolutely committed to increasing GDP. It would be unpatriotic not to. Do you agree?

Joe: Uh, sure. I’m patriotic. May I ask, what is GDP?

Official: GDP is Gross Domestic Product. That is the market value of all goods and services produced in the U.S. It is the total of all the things that society can eat, drink, and work with. You can also think of it as the total income of the U.S. The government wants everyone to have more income.

Joe: I support that.

Official: Good. (flips through manila folder) Now, I see that you don’t go to restaurants enough. Why is that?

Joe: My wife is a great cook. We eat at home most of the time. I even like cooking with her sometimes, and the kids help too.

Official: Yes, that comes up a lot. People are denying themselves the pleasures of fine dining. You can see how this decreases employment and GDP. From now on, you will dine out at least twice per week, with the kids please.

Joe: That is going to cost me a lot of money! I really don’t see how …

Official: (writes a note into the file) We all have to do our part to employ others, and restaurants are a huge employer of the less educated. You earn a good income, you should spend more. It is the patriotic thing to do.

Joe: But, I won’t be able to save as much for my kid’s college and my retirement.

Official: I know it seems that way, but a better economy in the future will pay you back. I’m no economist, but our department has done the analysis, I can assure you. You see, savings are a selfish, lazy way to use money. You should understand that many people don’t have any savings. What good are your savings if the economy suffers?

Joe: I am depending on my savings to …

Official: No need to answer, that is what we in the department call a rhetorical question.

Joe: I thought my savings support businesses and home ownership. That isn’t an answer.

Official: I don’t mean this as an insult, but you are very ignorant about economics. The department has a giant computer to figure out the effects of spending, savings, and employment. And, we will have that figured out when we have entered all of the details, approximately 5 billion data points per month. This is in progress.

In the meantime, we have an estimate under the "one transaction" rule. We track things for one transaction. When you get your salary, that is GDP. When you pay a restaurant, that is GDP. When you put your money in the bank or invest in stock, we lose track. It’s an estimate.

Joe: (confused)

Official: Now, under our Direct Employment program, we are assigning you a gardener and a family care worker. You will find them a wonderful help, freeing up a lot of your time for relaxation. You will be responsible for paying them. I see that you have plenty of income if you don’t save anything. Savings are bad for the economy, so you won’t miss them.

Joe: (restraining himself) That is not possible! I don’t need a gardener or a home worker. I need to save for the future. I don’t need all that leisure and don’t want to pay for it.

Official: (writes a note into the file) I don’t really understand. I myself love leisure. I have many plans for my pension. But, if you feel you have extra time, the department can arrange more work for you.

Under our Neighborhood Exchange program, you will mow one of your neighbor’s lawns in Summer, and shovel his driveway and sidewalk in Winter. Another of your neighbors will do the same for you. You will all pay each other at the GFR (Government Fair Rate). This will produce a lot of measurable GDP that was hidden in the old way of doing things, and you won’t have so much non-GDP leisure. This also generates valuable tax payments on the extra income.

Joe: (a bit upset) What if I don’t cooperate?

Official: (writes a long note into the file) There is no need to be upset. I should have emphasized that this is a voluntary program, for now. You don’t have to cooperate, but there may be unfortunate consequences for you and the economy if you don’t. You certainly have the time until your next appointment to think about it. Find out what other non-cooperators have experienced. I certainly would not want to question your patriotism at this time.

I highly recommend going to Easy Opinion for the rest of the interview.  Here’s hoping it’s fictitious!